I am a Middle-class, Caucasian, Christian, Heterosexual Female.

I have identified who I am countless times over the last ten months of school. The real estate of social work is all about "self-location, self-location, self-location". The purpose is to increase one's awareness of everything they represent as they work with and among people. If I know who I am and the baggage that comes with my identity, I can be more sensitive to the perceived power that comes with my position in society. I can consciously behave in a way that shortens the distance between other people and me. I saw and see the value in this but the more I locate myself, the more I lose myself. The more I identify who I am only for the purpose of social work, the less I know who I am.

It was only four years ago that I felt God nudging me to leave Bolivia along with the initial hints to leave full-time ministry in its traditionally understood form. I try not to doubt that pursuing my Master of Social Work was the next step for me, but it has been a difficult and confusing transition at times. In my social work circles, I am seen as a fundamentalist, conservative Christian. In my home and church circles, I am seen as a progressive, liberal Christian. I feel reactions in the air and see judgement flash over faces during conversations. As a social worker, I feel like I have to apologize for what I represent as Christian: oppression, persecution, homophobia. As a Christian, I feel like I need to apologize for what I represent as a social worker: humanism, rage, secularism. Neither representation is the whole story.

My independent nature that tends to not ask for help was called "arrogant", "disrespectful", and "rooted in my religion" by my supervisor at my student placement. He told me that I thought I was more accountable to Jesus than to him. A week later, a friend who follows Christ told me that he thought I had become a "socialist women's libber". He didn't mean it as a compliment. My heart has felt so conflicted. Where do I fit? Where do I belong?

Thank goodness for moms. When I told her what I was struggling with she simply wrote, "At least you are a women's libber who loves Jesus." Those were the only words she wrote but truer, wiser words have never been written at just the right moment. My friends, I love Jesus. He is my joy. My hope. My life. The more I locate myself in him, the more I find myself. The more I identify myself only for his purposes, the more I know who I am. I am his.



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